Frequently Asked Questions About Child Sexual Abuse
1. What is Child Sexual Abuse?
Sexual abuse is any interaction between a child and an adult or older child in which the child is
used for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or an observer. Sexual abuse often involves direct physical contact, touching, kissing, fondling, rubbing, oral sex, or penetration of the vagina or anus. Sometimes a sex offender may receive gratification just by exposing himself to a child, or by observing or filming a child removing his or her clothes. Offenders often do not use physical force, but may use play, deception, threats, or other coercive methods to engage youngsters and maintain their silence.
2. When is sexual activity between two children considered abuse?
A clear power difference between children
A significant gap in age of children
One child is coercing the other—usually to engage in adult-like sexual behavior, beyond what would be anticipated for a child to know about based on their age and developmental stage
When it is beyond what is considered normal curiosity and mutual exploration (such as children close in age playing doctor)
3. Which children are at the highest risk of becoming victims of sexual abuse?
Every child is vulnerable to sexual abuse and it affects children of all backgrounds. However, some children may be more likely to be victimized because sex offenders often target children who seem more vulnerable and less likely to tell, such as those who suffer emotional, developmental, or physical challenges. Also, children with minimal supervision are more at risk.
4. What is the typical profile of a perpetrator?
The majority are male, although a small percentage is female. Sexual offenders are often known and trusted by the children they victimize. They may be members of the family, such as parents, siblings, cousins, or non-relatives, including family friends, neighbors, babysitters, or older peers. They are very often someone known and trusted by the child, family, and/or community. There’s no clear-cut profile of a sex offender. Some offenders were sexually abused as children, but others have no such history. Very frequently, abusers are repeat offenders and a significant percent are adolescents.
5. Why would a child not disclose abuse or delay in telling someone?
Parents/caregivers may have these versions of this question: How come I didn't know what was happening? How come they just didn't come to me? I always told them that if someone touched them to tell me. Am I a bad parent for allowing this to happen?
Delayed disclosures are common and are not a reflection of a poor parent-child relationship.
Children often anticipate how the disclosure might hurt or upset their caregiver. Child sexual abuse is, by its very nature, secretive. It almost always occurs when the child is alone with the offender. An offender may directly threaten physical harm to the child or beloved family members if he or she tells, or coerces the child with promises, gifts, or other verbal persuasion. It’s common for children to blame themselves, fear punishment, or be afraid that they will not be believed. For younger victims, they may lack the awareness and language necessary to understand abuse and therefore disclose. A child may feel embarrassed and ashamed. The avoidance, which is part of post-traumatic stress reactions, may make a child simply try to forget what happened. Many children who have experienced sexual abuse grow up before they tell anyone about what happened.
6. What is grooming in the context of child sexual abuse?
Grooming is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or adolescent so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them. Anybody can be a groomer, no matter their age, gender or race. Grooming can take place over a short or long period of time – from weeks to years. Groomers may also build a relationship with the young person's family or friends to make them seem trustworthy. Children and adolescents can be groomed online, in person or both – by a stranger or someone they know. This could be a family member, a friend or someone who has targeted them – like a teacher, faith group leader or sports coach.
Groomers might also try and isolate children from their friends and family, making them feel dependent on them and giving the groomer power and control over them. They might use blackmail to make a child feel guilt and shame or introduce the idea of 'secrets' to control, frighten and intimidate. It's important to remember that children and young people may not understand they've been groomed. They may have complicated feelings, like loyalty, admiration, love, as well as fear, distress and confusion. (Adapted from NSPCC)
7. What if the abuser is someone in our family? How does this uniquely impact my child? How will our family be affected?
It can be especially difficult to accept the reality that someone you know and trust is capable of abusing your child. There are especially complicated thoughts and feelings when the abuser is family or considered part of the family.
When children are abused by adults who are supposed to protect them from harm, their ability to trust and rely on adults may be shattered. Knowing that the abuser is loved by other family members makes it all the more difficult for children to tell others about the abuse. Children who have been abused by a family member are more likely to blame themselves for the abuse than those who are abused by someone outside the family. This is particularly true of older children who are especially aware of the effect that disclosing the abuse will have a major impact on other family members. As a result, it can take victims of intrafamilial sexual abuse weeks, months, or longer to let anyone know that they’ve been abused, and even longer to reveal all the details.
Sexual abuse of a child by a trusted adult also puts tremendous strain on relationships within the family. Some family members may find it hard to believe the abuser could do such a thing, and take sides (or feel pressured to take sides) over who is telling the truth. Family members may also struggle with how to manage their divided loyalties toward the abuser and the victim.
Even in families that accept that the abuse occurred, there may be a range of unhelpful or inappropriate responses. Tensions may arise when different family members have different opinions about loyalty, fairness, justice, forgiveness, and responsibility.